Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
