I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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