Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
