3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
