I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
