That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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