He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
