Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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