Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Duck Duck Cougar?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
