A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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