captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
