we have pet lesbian snakes
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
