My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
