Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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