sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
