Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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