Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
