So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
