Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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