i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
