so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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