she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
