I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
