first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
