She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
