I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
