This girl is more easily done than said...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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