Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
