its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
