what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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