Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
