its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
