super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
