If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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