I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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