Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Damn victory sex feels great
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
