Define "chronic" masturbator.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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