I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
