This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
