i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
