He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
