Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
