We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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