very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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