Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
