3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
