I like my sex mixed with concussions.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
