the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
