Redeem this text for a blowjob
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
