That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
