some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
