i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
