Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
