So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
