So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
